Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Pete the Feet

There was a slow thrum of lonely wallpaper jazz: bass and hi-hat with a jagged shadow of a skeleton melody barely visible behind the afternoon bar room torpor. A pint pot rattled on a tap and you could sense a subtle insinuation of deceit beneath the air-con slipstream, a suggestion of a slow death by vacuum cleaner. In a corner of the pool room the hooded boys planned another crime of the century, as they did every day. The old values had gone and no-one gave a damn.

No-one, that is, except Pete the Feet.

They threatened to break his fingers so he upped and moved his habit to a late night lounge on the other side of town; he had drinking partners all over. Yes sir, everybody knew Pete and some people even liked him in small doses. Of course Pete was a drunk - people who drink all day invariably are - and he was a little bit cokey, so small doses meant nothing to him. But he sure could play that piano; he could have been a big success if the booze and the nose candy hadn't gotten to him first.

Strange, I know, that a piano player should call himself "the Feet" but that was his gimmick - he actually played with his feet. He'd lay with his back on the stool, supporting himself with his hands on the floor, and his bare toes up there rattling the black and whites; he could play anything anybody shouted up from the floor: classics, old standards, a selection from the charts, jazz... and all with his feet.

They should've threatened to break his legs.

How did he work the pedals?
I know this man, he drinks in my pub and he's an absolute legend. Long live Pete the Feet!
Very amusing and clever piece.
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I know a man called Pitts and he plays the piano with his...
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